It's Not Intimacy. It's Geometry.

How Do I Lie Beside You Without Losing Myself?

Aug 03, 2025

Sa Fonda. 1:30am. 2nd August.

“Do you want to come to my house?”, I asked Luna.
She nodded.
“I need to ask my mum”, replied Luna.
“Could you ask her for me?”, she continued.

Luna’s mum was talking to Llewellyn. I knelt down next to her.
“Syra. Your daughter and I have gotten along very well tonight. Do you think she could come over to my house tonight?”, I enquired.
She smiled.
“If that’s ok with her. Absolutely.”, She agreed.
I nodded back to her. Stood up again. And left. Clean. Quick. Minimal. Punchy. No BS. Just, straight to the point. Enquiry submitted. Response received. I felt like a guardian. A noble steward. Welcoming the High Priestess’s daughter into the kingdom of Deià. Request accepted. Daughter. Relinquished.

We began walking down to my place. On the way out. We found two pillows on the floor. Outside Sa Fonda. They had fallen from the bench above about 20 minutes ago.
“That’s for us”, I went.
I picked them up and kept going.
I’m not stealing anything. The pillows talked. I answered. Pillow talk.
Magnetic opening again.

On the way down the steps to my house, Luna and I were blurring into each other. Our energy fields were merging in a way I didn’t like. I noticed I was leaking, bending, and blurring into Luna’s energy field way too much. I was forgetting myself in the name of expected human connection. And ignoring my own personal energetic needs. That’s when I stopped. Mid-flight. And that’s when the pillows came into place. We smacked them down on the floor. And faced each other.

“I feel like we’re getting a little lost in each other. And honestly, I need to speak to you with all due respect and clarity. I’m not available for vintage partner roles. I’m not available for merging.”. That shit cleaned up the dynamic in a micro-second. Within seconds, we had entered completely new terrain. The field sharpened. Our etheric fluid took definitive shape. Not just leaking and swishing, and foaming. Our borders brightened at the edges. And became crisp. Crystal. Clear. Like a diamond. We were sharp again. Individuated. Purified from over-extended merging. Resetted. Back to square-1. Where clarity is baseline. Where we actually liked each other. I gained independence. I split my field. Managed to reseat myself in my own throne. Not the social slur. The sludge. The blur. But the crisp clarity of my calm and untilted centre-point. We shifted upwards a few notches. To a new octave. Everything improved.

We got home and we were like, feudal. I felt like I was in The Crown or something. Romeo and Juliet. It was like a higher order relatability. Based on a powerfully driven, acknowledged, and activated, self-and-mutual-respect foundational relationship agreement. I really understood “manners” for once. Social codes. Politeness. Because the whole point of them is to protect sacred energy. Not block truth. Today, we use manners to block what is real. When manners should be used to preserve what is reverent, and important. It’s all upside down.

We were both plugged in. To some greater current. There was stillness. Power. Ground. Like rays. It was like surfing a magnetic line. A beam from outer space. Delivered. Struck between us. It was clean. Horizontal. With a slight gradient. Tilting upwards. Toned. Defined. Level. Elegant. Sharp. Strong. Heavy. Focused. It was ground-bound. And rooted in felt sensation. Not social codes, queues and expectations. We were both listening to the calm, grounded, presence within us. It was novel. Grounded. Clean. Deep. Ancient. And futuristic. All at once. We raised a few octaves. Thank god we cleared the distortion. Our night would have otherwise slanted left. We would have slurred into static. And neither of us would have exalted our inner light. Our beams. Our real power. I’m done with old partner dynamics. Getting lost in Jesus Christ romantic energy contracts. I do this for you. You do this for me. No. Do it for yourself. And you do it for everybody around you. Like a plant. Photosynthesising. Taking in sunlight. Giving out oxygen. For free. Without a contract. Without emotional debt. Without neediness or interference. I reclaim my plant authority. Thanks.

Keep it on the ground.
Guard your sacred.
Centre that energy.
Focus it.
Don’t let cheap shit get in the way of your connection.
Your intimacy is golden.
Don’t let it rust.

Now. The next most important thing. Posture. What a trip.

Bodily geometry. Positionality. Angles. Cross legged. Lying down. Diagonal. Face tilt. Left hand. Right hand. Thigh. Kiss. Hug. Or nothing? Posture has been the key theme of this encounter. The highlight. The keystone. The main theme of address. Posture. Each posture contains a unique archetypal significance. You can’t just, reach, hold, touch someone you have deep mutual respect with in any kind of way. We don’t want to reactivate old toxic templates of relatability. We want clean, direct, respectful, independent-based, contact. Otherwise you reinforce an energy you might not want to get involved in. By adopting the wrong posture. How are our bodies positioned, angled, shaped in relation to each other? Each posture is an architectural reality of feeling. Some postures are too much. Others are too mushy. Others too needy. Others not reverent enough. This is a fine line. And if you want to be truly energetically autonomous and independent… you need to be conscious of what you’re implying through your gestures, posture, and bodily language when you’re being intimate with someone. Goddamnit.

It’s driving me crazy. I just want to be intimate with another human being. But I don’t know how to do it. Humans have been around 200,000 odd years (they say). And we still don’t know how to lie down next to each other. Forget SpaceX. Forget Elon Musk. Forget the moon. Forget economic poverty. We are poor to the root of human intimacy and connection. I don’t know how to hold your hand. I am only just learning how to in relation to myself. Who I am. And what I want in this life.

As I said. I’m not available to merge. I want my full power. Intimacy? Sure. Kisses? Yes. Shared time? Absolutely. Losing who I am for you? Absolute No, No. I am a self-referential beam. I don’t need to lean onto yours. I’ve got my own. I got it at birth. Before birth. From deep space. It’s what I am made of. It’s me. I don’t need another me. I’ve got my own one.

We slept together in my single bed. This operation was surgical: How to sleep together without merging energy fields. Without unconsciously subscribing to a toxic relationship contract. SPONSORED BY ALL OF SOCIETY. Cos what happens if you merge energy fields? Too strongly? You start seeing yourself through the eyes of that other person. It’s when reality glitches. Pixelates. Blurs. You start to value, validate, discern, accept, agree, everything to the expense of your own will, and in replacement with the person you are choosing to merge with. I’m not here to lose myself. I’m here to shine as person that I am. I’m not available for distortion. See you later.

For centuries, millenia, eons. We have been taught to abandon ourselves in the name of “love”. To sacrifice. To give up. To edit. Remove. Cut. Crop. Paste. Submit. Reduce. Buffer. Accept guilt trips. Emotional dumps. Shame loops. Unresolved childhood relationship translated power-dynamics. I’m not here for that either.

So, yeah. The going to sleep together mission was thoughtful. Exact. Millimetre precision-based. Because posture and position is highly charged with historical collective memory. How do we do it? Every position is highly charged with archetypal significance. And leads you to ancient co-dependant spiral dynamics. Where is the new template, the new manual, of non-toxic, non-field merging, independent, sovereign, autonomous, relationship dynamics? Nothing felt right. Only lying on my back. Like a vampire. Like a cardinal. Like a guardian. A guardian of the kingdom of Deià. A guardian of the health and integrity of our shared beam.

The experience with Luna was profound, deeply intimate, and respectful. We created a space for mutual seeing, love, and desire to thrive like papayas in the tropics. Whatever I’m saying about her is not really about her. It’s about a broader societal pattern we are all subject to through social conditioning and our current specific historical moment. It’s also based on my own experience being a strong merger with other people. In the past, I have found it extremely difficult to set my boundaries with people, parents, friends, lovers…. and I’ve always ended up spiralling into the vortex. So this work is specific to me. Because I’m done with all of that happening to me. I want to be free. Free from toxic co-dependant energetic entanglement in all its forms and commitments. Liberate it.

When I laid on my back, Luna turned left towards me. She put her right hand on my left shoulder. Extended across my chest. Enveloping me. Wrapping me. Taking hold of me. Taking unconscious energetic ownership of me. I felt it. Too enclosing. Too much. Too archetypically familiar. So I gently lifted her hand up. And I put it down on my heart. That was the only place it made sense to be in right now. That’s where respect was. Not logically. Geometrically. Magnetically. Feeling-wise. High grade intimacy. Level-headed companionship. Mutual integrity. And energy field independence. All there. I’m just seeking depth and intimacy. But I’m confronted with deep, complex, precision-based, puzzles of geometrical alignment and energetic ownership, and life is good.

Amaro Qadim

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