Morphing Is Not My Role.
This Door Stays Closed.
Monks go to the mountain for forty days. And when they come back, they can’t relate. They’re in another place. Mid-dimension. Between realms. It’s not an illness. It’s a shift. A process. A re-emergence.
I did my own rooting phase. I spent 18 days alone, in silence. In stillness. Entering a meditative state. And piercing beneath layers I’d never reached before. Only difference was, I wasn’t in the Himalayas. I was at home, in Deià. In the middle of a mass tourism influx in the months of June and July. Unable to buy vegetables. Speak. Relate. Behave in socially “acceptable” ways.
We don’t get that here.
I mean, it’s not common. Monk and mass tourism? = Wrong.
At least that’s what maths says.
1+1 = 0.
What about the other arc?
Awakening arc.
This morning, I was meant to go to Palma with my mum. Instead, she offered me a door of distortion.
She told me about a neurologist who could “check me out” before 2 p.m., in case I had brain damage or a blood clot from Mali. Yes, I was spiritually demolished. I shredded every urgent layer of conditioning that was propelling me through the world. And I walked her through the whole thing. But, No, I don’t consent to your story. I’m in an awakening arc. We’ve talked — in Es Taller, in Muleta — about dropping the rescue story, about my rooting phase and the slow re-emergence phase I’m going through. But her fear is a high-voltage electric fence. And she pathologized me anyway.
I said no. She kept pushing. I said please stop. She kept pounding. I told her I felt disrespected, she kept going. And I left. No Palma today. Plan terminated. Dignity, eroded. But she continued coming behind me. She didn’t want to listen. She didn’t want agreement. She wanted to inject her view of me into me. Without consent. Without agreement. Without permission. As I was leaving, she reminded me of her recent financial help, as if that meant I should also consent to her emotional violence. The bridge to her supporting me came with a skewed contract: morph to satisfy my fear, and I’ll drive you where you need to go.
That’s distortion.
Power clanked to impose a narrative.
Love weaponised into a chain.
Fear as the dominant agent.
No unanimous agreement.
No fair exchange.
No dignity.
No respect.
Just, force.
I refused to go to Palma. And I made it very clear. I went to buy figs instead.
Then, honking. My mother reappeared. In the middle of the street, the big red TIB bus behind her, and a line of cars, shouting “Are you coming?!”.
Again. Override.
I have no time for this.
Maybe I should go to Nepal. India. China?
Some doors are better left distorted. Not walked through.
Amaro, I get that what you’ve been going through feels like a deep transformation, and I’m not here to deny its importance to you. But real growth also means being able to see your own story from multiple perspectives, not just the one that feels truest in the moment. If you want people to understand and respect your vision, you also have to be willing to respect theirs, especially the people who’ve stood by you for your whole life.
Your mother’s financial and personal support isn’t a weapon she’s using against you, it’s part of the reality of your life. She’s looked out for you for a long time, and while you don’t have to agree with everything she says or does, reciprocity matters. Sometimes doing something for someone , even if it’s not what you feel like , is about valuing the relationship, not about surrendering your truth.
Posting personal conflicts in public invites a one-sided narrative that you don’t control. Readers won’t have all the context; they’ll just see “family conflict” or “he needs help.” That shapes how the world sees you, whether you like it or not. If you really want to protect your process, you have to be careful not to hand people a version of your story that locks you into a role you don’t want.
And here’s the most important point: isolation and defensiveness can feel like strength, but they can also become a cage. The people who challenge you aren’t always trying to diminish you … sometimes they’re the ones keeping you tethered to the world so your work has something to stand on. Protecting your autonomy doesn’t have to mean burning bridges.
You don’t have to compromise your awakening to keep meaningful connections. But you do have to choose whether you want to stand alone inside your own narrative, or stay open enough to let others in without losing yourself. That’s the real test.
I hear you! I feel you! I love you! Is brave to share your experience so honest.. but is also brave to listen and to be always willing to change perspectives. The worries of her have been imposed, she doesn’t understand you but that doesn’t means she doesn’t love you and she wants to help. (In her own way) I guess I have no idea how it feels to have a child (the biggest love of your life I guess) and less to see him suffering.. it must be a big torture. But is part of her learning process and yours. Your souls made a pact to come to this life as family to teach each other and learn lessons together. You are teaching her and showing her a whole new world.. I will say.. stay true to yourself and be patient and loving and not judge the ones who don’t understand you.. I know is not an easy task , but with time, if you stick to your plan, when you see results and start healing yourself and vibrating in a higher frequency… your mum and everyone around you are gonna be proud and maybe … they will ask YOU to guide them.. I say this from my personal experience ! Sending lots of love !!
Lourdes